Friday, 14 October 2011

The real picture

I'm not sure I can work it all out. I can work out some things amiss but I can't work out all the answers. My head and heart are heavy right now and for no real reason. To the outside, my life probably looks pretty peachy. And it is. Good job, great friends, frequent holidays etc.

But really, this is only part of it.

I'm pretty much tired and sluggish all the time. It needs to change because it's no fun. I think it's a combination of poor diet, lack of exercise, excess weight and too much on. All of these things feed each other. I'm tired so I don't cook proper meals. I don't cook proper meals so I'm tired. I don't cook proper meals to I'm overweight. I'm overweight so I'm tired. I don't exercise much so I'm tired. I'm tired so I don't exercise. It's all a big messy circle.

The thing is that some days (like today when my stupidly broken toe is throbbing and my throats/tonsils aching (still! Or again!!) I don't know where to start. I can't eat better, get fit, loose weight and not be tired overnight. So where do I start?

For now, I think I'm going to focus on food. It's the easiest most do-able change.

As to what I'm going to do about food - that's a little obvious (eat better food) and a little complicated (like, what is "better" food?). Food shall be my focus for a little bit.  I know things like eating out for lunch or dinner 4-8 times a week doesn't help (I buy lunch every day but I'm not counting sandwiches or salads as eating out).  And my sweet tooth that kicks in with 3.30itis?  It's bad. 

Food also includes drinking.  We've had a lot of big nights out lately.  Partying like you are 18 is only fun when you are indeed 18. Well, it's fun when you're 29 too, but it's not worth it and I should know better.  Know that my hangovers are terrible and that I don't always make good (food) choices etc.

In terms of exercise - I'm limited because I've ill health and injuries right now. I'm going to schedule a new gym program, focussing on my upper body (I'm wearing a strapless bridesmaids dress in 2 short months kids!!). Then as my foot heels, build it up some.

In terms of plans. I'm going to cut back. Not on those I've made, but on making more. I want to see everyone and do everything all the time. It doesn't work. I'm a home body. I want me time. I need me time. I'm going to take me time.

In terms of weight - well, that's covered in the food/exercise parts. And really, whilst I can call it weight, I'll also call is size. I've always been a big girl (well, since puberty, darn you puberty) but I feel like in the last 6 months and gone from big girl to fat girl. Like, it's on my mind. All the time. Like, I'm hating photos of me. Hating photos at a time when I'm seeing some really super cool places is not ok. So baby steps, but I need to work on this.

Sorry for being all debbie downer but I needed to get it out.  Now, who wants a hug?  I like hugs.

Me.  Not really smiling and certanily not relaxing because a fully body photo was being taken. 
This is effectively the before shot (taken Sunday).  Smile, skin and size hopefully improved upon.

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